My Significant Seven?
Good day everyone. I want to thank you for accepting my invitation to be a part of what I am calling “My Significant Seven”. The purpose of the group and the blogs I will be posting is primarily to provide me with guidance and a source of accountability. I imagine it will also become a platform where I am not the only beneficiary considering I think of it as a professional support group. However, there will be some personal aspects mentioned and discussed - not in great detail, but enough to address their relevance in our professional lives. You all are people I respect and whose opinion I trust. I admire the wholeness of you ( meaning the man/woman, husband/wife, father/mother and “corporate” side of you).
I’ve always been very selective of the company I keep. It’s a personality trait that has prevented a lot of BS and fake people from entering my life. It is also the reason I can proudly say about 90% of anyone I labeled as a friend is still considered a friend 20+ years after the fact. Even though the bonds between my friends and I have stood the test of time, the interaction between us has decreased dramatically over the years. Family, careers and distance has prevented us from nurturing each other’s well being on a constance basis like we did when we were younger. The old neighborhood or school ground we became close on was the perfect environment to groom such a friendship. It was a place where every aspect of our life intertwined. Not like now, where the relationships are partitioned with coworkers, neighbors, friends, et cetera. Back then they were all one and the same.
I never realized how much I needed that environment. I didn’t realize how much balance it gave me. Without it, the selective process of the company I keep (mentioned earlier) tips the scale in an unfavorable way for me. I don’t let anyone get close to me. I don’t seek knowledge from others or share my thoughts with them. The walls I build to protect myself are also suffocating me. I guess they always have. Luckily, assignments
given in school and other situations forced me to meet people that were somewhat like me. It sought of built windows in my walls. Sometimes, it even tore walls down and allowed me to share my space completely with them. Now, with so many years passed and so much distance between us since we graduated from college or left the old neighborhood, I feel like I’m just about back at square one.
As an adult, there is nothing forcing me to interact with people I don’t know. At least not in the sense of letting all of me get to know all of them. And though I have tried to “mingle” in professional and neighborly settings, it just doesn’t feel right most of the time. It feels like I’m forcing it or being fake. I’m sure most would agree that forming such bonds should not be rushed or forced. They’re relationships that should be developed naturally. My problem is, I don’t really give it a chance to do so. Anyway, all that to say is I am in a place where I am constantly trying to do it all myself - and is not working.
I make goals. I get hype. I try to pursue them with only myself as motivation. I fall short or fail completely and doubt the reasons I even tried in the first place. I lose faith in myself and waste so much time trying to win back my own trust. It’s a crazy cycle I’ve been on for a while. But I’m getting scared. I feel like an old boxer refusing to be knocked out in a fight. So I keep getting up. But, now, each time seems to be harder. It takes me longer to get up. When I am up, I don’t feel as strong as the last time I was up. In the world of boxing, this can lead to death. So, I need a new game plan.
I’m supposed to be a writer. At least that’s what I once considered myself. People used to tell me I was pretty good too. But again, it was rare I wrote anything that wasn’t an assignment of some sort (that forced me to write). So, my plan is to put something like
this out every week or every other week. I hope this will be a stepping stone in getting me into the habit of writing, getting me into the habit of expressing myself and stop running from my own thoughts. That’s one goal. The other is for you to be a part of my journey.
I want to let you all know what I am planning and what I am doing so that I can be held accountable. I want to express my positive and negative thoughts and be able to count on you reacting to them in an open and honest way. I want to share videos, excerpts, concerns, fears, accomplishments, resumes, job posts, cover letters - any and everything in hopes that I can become what I feel I should already be: SUCCESSFUL.
So that’s it. That’s my goal and honestly, there is a part of me that is hesitant on posting this and reaching out to you. I guess I’m nervous a little that by being transparent, you will no longer see me the same way and perhaps not want to assist me or work with me. I’m also worried you will do exactly what I want and need you to do - stay on top of me and be the fire that keeps my fuse ignited. Even as I end this blog, I am experiencing some personal things that is making me want to just give up. For some reason. I never can. So what do you say?